And then there was one

This is another exciting week since my son will be starting daycare this Friday 3x a week, to give me time to interview and job search.  The timing couldn't be more perfect as I have my first interview next week.  Hopefully, the transition will be smooth for my son.  So far, he has spent time alone in Sunday school for about a month and he's been baby-sat by family and friends for a few hours at a time.  We'll see how he handles being apart from his parents for 8 hours at a time.  Eventually, when I start working full time, we'll put him in daycare for the full week.  I'm guessing that my wife will drop him off in the morning and I'll pick him up in the evenings.  We'll have to see if that schedule is feasible depending on our jobs.

Hopefully, my time being a bum at home is moving to the next phase, which is more active job searching and networking.  My mini-goals for the next couple of weeks are to prepare for my interview, update my LinkedIn profile, and start setting up more meetings with some of my old co-workers and b-school classmates. One of my friends suggested beefing up my LinkedIn profile as recruiters use it to find people.

This is a busy time of the year for us.  Next weekend, we'll be traveling to upstate NY to have a mini-reunion with some college friends.  And the following week, we'll be moving to a new apartment.  Need to start packing.

On the SAHD front, today was a good milestone b/c I got my son to eat 4oz of yogurt, 6.5oz of baby food, 8oz of milk, and a bunch of cherrios. That's probably the most he's eaten in a day, though for his age, he should still be eating a lot more regularly. He eats about 6 times a day (9am, 11am, 2pm, 4:30pm, 7pm, 9pm) and each feeding takes 30-45 minutes. That's a lot of time sitting in front of him patiently scooping food into his mouth! My wrist actually starts hurting a bit because I have to tilt it at just the right angle to maximize the amount of food that gets into and stays in his mouth. It's like at a 45 degree angle. Man, seriously have a lot of respect for stay-at-home parents who do this for like years.

One of my friends posted this article to Facebook a while back. "Leaving Wall Street"
http://nplusonemag.com/leaving-wall-street
It's written by a former banker who is now in the Occupy movement. I think some of her descriptions of how Wall Street sees itself and the more subtle aspects of Wall Street culture resonated with me.  Here are some of my favorites:


most people on Wall Street believe they have earned their jobs, and the money that follows.


it is often those who do not come from privilege who are the system’s fiercest defenders.


People on Wall Street truly believe they work harder than anyone else.


Wall Street employees quickly learn that even their company is an enemy. To the firm, employees are a cost to be minimized, or a producer to be exploited.


Many of the adverse reactions to OWS have been along the lines of, “They’re just jealous.” Of course the Wall Street critics think OWS is about envy. Envy is part and parcel of their daily lives. When you are living in a culture of envy, you see envy everywhere you go.


Wall Street is not a collection of 1 percenters maniacally laughing at the 99 percent they have crushed under their boot. No, Wall Street is far too self-absorbed to be concerned with the outside world unless it is forced to.

A part of me wants to write my own personal memoir about my very short time on Wall Street.  It was something I wanted to do as part of this blog, and maybe I will later on, as a therapeutic exercise. For now, I like to read articles like this, or talk with people.  Here are two analogies that I've made - not sure if they are applicable, but here they are:

1. Poor person wasting money analogy:
When I was in banking, I'd come home on the weekend or evening and just waste my time watching TV. One would think that with so little free time, you'd make better use of it.  But I was so wired that I wanted to do something dumb and stress-free like sit in front of a TV.  On weekdays, even though I came home late, I wanted to just watch something.  On the weekends, even though I should be enjoying nature or planning something fun, I'd just watch TV a lot of the time.  Then Sunday night would roll around and I'd feel depressed that I hadn't done anything all weekend. But I couldn't help myself.

When you see a poor person suddenly come across some money and they waste it, it's unfathomable to regular people.  When you're struggling to make ends meet, why are you spending money on lottery tickets, a flat screen TV, etc.  It seems like such a waste of money. You get so frustrated because you want to help but you can't.

Where they were poor in money, I was poor in free time. I had so little free time, that I forgot how to use it wisely.  I lost my sense of priorities. I had no muscle memory of making better decisions. My habit was watching TV or surfing the web. When I came across some free time, I used it in such a pathetic way, that it got me and my wife angry. Hmm, this analogy is weak. On to #2.

2. Sad about the dead uncle who used to molest you analogy:
[Caveat: First, I was never ever molested, so this is purely theoretical. Second, it's probably not good to joke about molestation, so this joke will unfortunately offend some.]
If you have a hypothetical uncle who used to molest you, who died, first you are angry for all the hurt and pain and suffering he caused you.  You feel sick thinking about how you felt dehumanized, taken advantage of, etc.  His death brings forth all the repressed anger you thought you had dealt with. But also, when he dies, he is no longer in your life. People only say nice things at funerals, and you begin to remember those nice things too. He was a funny guy. He was a sweet man. Even with the horror.  After a while, the pain becomes distant.  You begin to miss him a little.  But then, you remember the molestation.  And you feel sick, angry at yourself for, even for a second, feeling any nostalgia and goodwill towards the horrible man.

Banking is my dead uncle who used to molest me. Do I need to elaborate? Banking sucked. But it had some good qualities - good pay, bonuses, prestige, padding resume, etc. When I quit, I was so happy.  But after a while, the pain subsided.  I started to remember the perks fondly, have some nostalgia for the long hours, the camaraderie that is borne through suffering. The ability to pay off grad school loans in one fell swoop. But then, I remembered how much it sucked. And I start getting angry at myself for, even for a second, feeling any nostalgia for the job.

Okay, this analogy doesn't work either.  It's late, good night.