This is another exciting week since my son will be starting daycare this Friday 3x a week, to give me time to interview and job search. The timing couldn't be more perfect as I have my first interview next week. Hopefully, the transition will be smooth for my son. So far, he has spent time alone in Sunday school for about a month and he's been baby-sat by family and friends for a few hours at a time. We'll see how he handles being apart from his parents for 8 hours at a time. Eventually, when I start working full time, we'll put him in daycare for the full week. I'm guessing that my wife will drop him off in the morning and I'll pick him up in the evenings. We'll have to see if that schedule is feasible depending on our jobs.
Hopefully, my time being a bum at home is moving to the next phase, which is more active job searching and networking. My mini-goals for the next couple of weeks are to prepare for my interview, update my LinkedIn profile, and start setting up more meetings with some of my old co-workers and b-school classmates. One of my friends suggested beefing up my LinkedIn profile as recruiters use it to find people.
This is a busy time of the year for us. Next weekend, we'll be traveling to upstate NY to have a mini-reunion with some college friends. And the following week, we'll be moving to a new apartment. Need to start packing.
On the SAHD front, today was a good milestone b/c I got my son to eat 4oz of yogurt, 6.5oz of baby food, 8oz of milk, and a bunch of cherrios. That's probably the most he's eaten in a day, though for his age, he should still be eating a lot more regularly. He eats about 6 times a day (9am, 11am, 2pm, 4:30pm, 7pm, 9pm) and each feeding takes 30-45 minutes. That's a lot of time sitting in front of him patiently scooping food into his mouth! My wrist actually starts hurting a bit because I have to tilt it at just the right angle to maximize the amount of food that gets into and stays in his mouth. It's like at a 45 degree angle. Man, seriously have a lot of respect for stay-at-home parents who do this for like years.
One of my friends posted this article to Facebook a while back. "Leaving Wall Street"
http://nplusonemag.com/leaving-wall-street
It's written by a former banker who is now in the Occupy movement. I think some of her descriptions of how Wall Street sees itself and the more subtle aspects of Wall Street culture resonated with me. Here are some of my favorites:
most people on Wall Street believe they have earned their jobs, and the money that follows.
it is often those who do not come from privilege who are the system’s fiercest defenders.
People on Wall Street truly believe they work harder than anyone else.
Wall Street employees quickly learn that even their company is an enemy. To the firm, employees are a cost to be minimized, or a producer to be exploited.
Many of the adverse reactions to OWS have been along the lines of, “They’re just jealous.” Of course the Wall Street critics think OWS is about envy. Envy is part and parcel of their daily lives. When you are living in a culture of envy, you see envy everywhere you go.
Wall Street is not a collection of 1 percenters maniacally laughing at the 99 percent they have crushed under their boot. No, Wall Street is far too self-absorbed to be concerned with the outside world unless it is forced to.
A part of me wants to write my own personal memoir about my very short time on Wall Street. It was something I wanted to do as part of this blog, and maybe I will later on, as a therapeutic exercise. For now, I like to read articles like this, or talk with people. Here are two analogies that I've made - not sure if they are applicable, but here they are:
1. Poor person wasting money analogy:
When I was in banking, I'd come home on the weekend or evening and just waste my time watching TV. One would think that with so little free time, you'd make better use of it. But I was so wired that I wanted to do something dumb and stress-free like sit in front of a TV. On weekdays, even though I came home late, I wanted to just watch something. On the weekends, even though I should be enjoying nature or planning something fun, I'd just watch TV a lot of the time. Then Sunday night would roll around and I'd feel depressed that I hadn't done anything all weekend. But I couldn't help myself.
When you see a poor person suddenly come across some money and they waste it, it's unfathomable to regular people. When you're struggling to make ends meet, why are you spending money on lottery tickets, a flat screen TV, etc. It seems like such a waste of money. You get so frustrated because you want to help but you can't.
Where they were poor in money, I was poor in free time. I had so little free time, that I forgot how to use it wisely. I lost my sense of priorities. I had no muscle memory of making better decisions. My habit was watching TV or surfing the web. When I came across some free time, I used it in such a pathetic way, that it got me and my wife angry. Hmm, this analogy is weak. On to #2.
2. Sad about the dead uncle who used to molest you analogy:
[Caveat: First, I was never ever molested, so this is purely theoretical. Second, it's probably not good to joke about molestation, so this joke will unfortunately offend some.]
If you have a hypothetical uncle who used to molest you, who died, first you are angry for all the hurt and pain and suffering he caused you. You feel sick thinking about how you felt dehumanized, taken advantage of, etc. His death brings forth all the repressed anger you thought you had dealt with. But also, when he dies, he is no longer in your life. People only say nice things at funerals, and you begin to remember those nice things too. He was a funny guy. He was a sweet man. Even with the horror. After a while, the pain becomes distant. You begin to miss him a little. But then, you remember the molestation. And you feel sick, angry at yourself for, even for a second, feeling any nostalgia and goodwill towards the horrible man.
Banking is my dead uncle who used to molest me. Do I need to elaborate? Banking sucked. But it had some good qualities - good pay, bonuses, prestige, padding resume, etc. When I quit, I was so happy. But after a while, the pain subsided. I started to remember the perks fondly, have some nostalgia for the long hours, the camaraderie that is borne through suffering. The ability to pay off grad school loans in one fell swoop. But then, I remembered how much it sucked. And I start getting angry at myself for, even for a second, feeling any nostalgia for the job.
Okay, this analogy doesn't work either. It's late, good night.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Little More Effort Please
Some good news to report. I have an interview scheduled in a couple weeks for the city government position in an operations/implementation role that I applied for. I'm looking forward to it and seeing if there's an opportunity for me there. In the meantime, in case this opportunity falls through, I plan on continuing to stick with my plan of meeting people, catching up with old co-workers and school friends, particularly starting in June when my son starts daycare 3x a week. This will free up some days for me to go meet people.
I met up with a former co-worker of mine from my banking job. She left several months before I did. We both are so happy to be out. She was updating me on the recent goings on at our old firm. Apparently several people we worked with also departed in the last couple months and also there was a round of layoffs. It reiterated my view that banks just churn junior staff and run them into the ground. If they leave, who cares - just hire a new batch and keep moving forward. The recent news about JPM CIO losing $2 bn and MS potentially selectively disclosing information in the run-up to Facebook's IPO doesn't surprise me. A bunch of people will get fired, and new people will back-fill those roles - just keep moving forward.
Several weeks ago, I was asking my wife what her hopes and dreams were for our son. She said, "I just hope he doesn't become a menace to society. No, I'm serious!" She was semi-serious. We both have a fairly laid-back attitude towards parenting, which some have commended us for. Neither of us grew up with Tiger parents. We grew up in non-competitive environments. We had fairly normal childhoods and we turned out okay. I think we want our kids to have something similar.
But I realized recently that I probably should be giving a little more effort - a little bit more deliberateness - in the parenting department. A couple weeks ago, we had a doctor's appointment for our son. His motor skills and mental development are on pace. However, he hasn't gained weight in a few months, causing some concern. The doctor told us we need to make a deliberate effort to feed him more food, things like bananas, avocados, bits of chicken, etc. It's quite likely that he's just going to be a small baby because he's Asian. Apparently, I was very small and refused to eat when I was very little. Still, this got me thinking a bit. I also realized my default these days is to sit on the couch, turn on the TV to Nickelodeon and have my son get distracted by the TV. Again, feeling a bit convicted that I need to be a bit more deliberate in being a SAHD.
When I think about psycho-intense parents, I find it repulsive. But this aversion and my sinfulness taints my view of any kind of effort put into parenting. It's so easy for me to self-righteously think to myself, "Oh, my hope is in Christ, not in my abilities as a parent. Look at those other people, idolizing their kids, making an idol out of their parenting abilities. Trying to make their life meaningful by being a good parent. Going crazy on the internet looking at this blog and that, becoming obsessed. Their lives are completely revolving around their kids. Look how unlike them I am." Obviously this line of thinking is wrong. I wrongly have different standards for me and others. When I read parenting books or buy educational DVDs, it's always in moderate amounts; but when others do it, it's because their psycho-intense.
So anyway, two realizations. First, I need to be more gracious when I hear about other people's kids. Whether it be trying to get into a competitive pre-school, their latest exploits posted to Facebook, or whatever. It's good to put a little effort into parenting. It's what we're supposed to do. Second, I need to be more deliberate in my parenting. I think I had the attitude that nothing really matters until around 1.5 years old when he can start talking and doing stuff. I recently bought some DVDs to begin teaching my son to learn letters and numbers. I'm also going to play with my son a bit more - helping him practice his motor skills. Right now, he can hold on to the side of the crib and walk a bit. When he reaches for things he shouldn't, I'm going to start saying "No" to him, before I just grab him and move him elsewhere. Maybe he'll start understanding. Also, I have to feed this guy more food. Need to put a little bit more effort please.
I met up with a former co-worker of mine from my banking job. She left several months before I did. We both are so happy to be out. She was updating me on the recent goings on at our old firm. Apparently several people we worked with also departed in the last couple months and also there was a round of layoffs. It reiterated my view that banks just churn junior staff and run them into the ground. If they leave, who cares - just hire a new batch and keep moving forward. The recent news about JPM CIO losing $2 bn and MS potentially selectively disclosing information in the run-up to Facebook's IPO doesn't surprise me. A bunch of people will get fired, and new people will back-fill those roles - just keep moving forward.
Several weeks ago, I was asking my wife what her hopes and dreams were for our son. She said, "I just hope he doesn't become a menace to society. No, I'm serious!" She was semi-serious. We both have a fairly laid-back attitude towards parenting, which some have commended us for. Neither of us grew up with Tiger parents. We grew up in non-competitive environments. We had fairly normal childhoods and we turned out okay. I think we want our kids to have something similar.
But I realized recently that I probably should be giving a little more effort - a little bit more deliberateness - in the parenting department. A couple weeks ago, we had a doctor's appointment for our son. His motor skills and mental development are on pace. However, he hasn't gained weight in a few months, causing some concern. The doctor told us we need to make a deliberate effort to feed him more food, things like bananas, avocados, bits of chicken, etc. It's quite likely that he's just going to be a small baby because he's Asian. Apparently, I was very small and refused to eat when I was very little. Still, this got me thinking a bit. I also realized my default these days is to sit on the couch, turn on the TV to Nickelodeon and have my son get distracted by the TV. Again, feeling a bit convicted that I need to be a bit more deliberate in being a SAHD.
When I think about psycho-intense parents, I find it repulsive. But this aversion and my sinfulness taints my view of any kind of effort put into parenting. It's so easy for me to self-righteously think to myself, "Oh, my hope is in Christ, not in my abilities as a parent. Look at those other people, idolizing their kids, making an idol out of their parenting abilities. Trying to make their life meaningful by being a good parent. Going crazy on the internet looking at this blog and that, becoming obsessed. Their lives are completely revolving around their kids. Look how unlike them I am." Obviously this line of thinking is wrong. I wrongly have different standards for me and others. When I read parenting books or buy educational DVDs, it's always in moderate amounts; but when others do it, it's because their psycho-intense.
So anyway, two realizations. First, I need to be more gracious when I hear about other people's kids. Whether it be trying to get into a competitive pre-school, their latest exploits posted to Facebook, or whatever. It's good to put a little effort into parenting. It's what we're supposed to do. Second, I need to be more deliberate in my parenting. I think I had the attitude that nothing really matters until around 1.5 years old when he can start talking and doing stuff. I recently bought some DVDs to begin teaching my son to learn letters and numbers. I'm also going to play with my son a bit more - helping him practice his motor skills. Right now, he can hold on to the side of the crib and walk a bit. When he reaches for things he shouldn't, I'm going to start saying "No" to him, before I just grab him and move him elsewhere. Maybe he'll start understanding. Also, I have to feed this guy more food. Need to put a little bit more effort please.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Free Time
Quick update on the job searching front. I submitted a resume and cover letter to a few project management positions in city government. It felt good to accomplish something tactical versus just trying to figure out what I want to do. Hopefully I will hear back for interviews soon and see how things go. My goal is to continue investigating jobs / companies that I may be interested in and applying for jobs or teeing up people to talk with starting in June.
I've thoroughly enjoyed watching the NBA playoffs and highlights of the final matches of the Premier League season this past week. I felt like this was a luxury I didn't have while I was working long hours. This past week, I was also able to read two books and prepare for and lead a Bible study (something I hadn't done in probably about five years). After church on Sunday, we walked to Shake Shack and ate burgers for lunch and had a good time. I remember being really stressed out after church on Sundays in the past because I knew I needed to go into the office for a several hours to get some work done. These are simple pleasures of life - the ability to watch TV on a weekday, eating a Sunday brunch stress-free, reading for pleasure - that I've missed and really appreciate now. These are things I look forward to continuing even after I get a job. Maybe I should continue to do blog posts about books that I've read to help me process my thoughts and reactions. I may start interspersing some of these on this blog. In the meantime, I need to find another good book to read.
I've thoroughly enjoyed watching the NBA playoffs and highlights of the final matches of the Premier League season this past week. I felt like this was a luxury I didn't have while I was working long hours. This past week, I was also able to read two books and prepare for and lead a Bible study (something I hadn't done in probably about five years). After church on Sunday, we walked to Shake Shack and ate burgers for lunch and had a good time. I remember being really stressed out after church on Sundays in the past because I knew I needed to go into the office for a several hours to get some work done. These are simple pleasures of life - the ability to watch TV on a weekday, eating a Sunday brunch stress-free, reading for pleasure - that I've missed and really appreciate now. These are things I look forward to continuing even after I get a job. Maybe I should continue to do blog posts about books that I've read to help me process my thoughts and reactions. I may start interspersing some of these on this blog. In the meantime, I need to find another good book to read.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Mini-Goals
Last week, I met up with a college friend for coffee. He was recently laid off from his job at a hedge fund and spent some time abroad to reflect and is now in the thick of job hunting again. He too is considering using this opportunity to do a career change. Talking to him was very good for me. I realized that I should be a bit more diligent and methodical than I have been. We agreed to set some milestones to accomplish and meet again in mid-June to stay accountable to hitting those mini-goals. My mini-goal for mid-June is to have 3-5 clear jobs / careers identified that I want to pursue and then have identified 1-2 people in each of those paths that I need to talk with to learn more about it, and start talking with people in early June. I was sharing that I've done some high level soul searching. And later on, I can execute on meeting people, sending out resumes and cover letters, and doing interviews. But I'm having a hard time figuring out how to bridge the gap in between those two areas - b/t the high level soul searching and the tactical aspects of job searching - the part where I find out what I want to do. So, I think it's good to set some mini-goals to help me along and keep me productive. Also, I think the process will not be in distinct and defined phases. Sometimes, I'll be meeting people and sending out applications, but I'll still concurrently be brainstorming new ideas. I'm sure as I meet more people, I'll discover new opportunities that I hadn't previously considered. It'll be a more fluid process by necessity.
I had the good fortune to reconnect recently with an old co-worker from my time in consulting. I told her I was looking for a new job. She forwarded me information about some new openings in city government which sound very interesting, so I plan to apply to these positions in the near future - hopefully in the next day or two.
On the SAHD front, this week is my first week being at home full-time on my own with my son without any help (as my mother-in-law returned home). It's been harder than I thought, but still so much better than investment banking. (I still have no regrets quitting my job.) My wife created a schedule for me to follow in terms of feeding and naps. At 9-mo old, my son requires constant attention. Now, he can crawl around places, so I can't leave him out of my sight, because he'll hit his head on the hardwood floor or try to climb onto things and reach for anything. Feedings are time consuming because he can't feed himself yet, so I have to sit there and feed him milk or cereal, etc. His naps are my free time to read or catch up on some TV.
So, I finally got around to reading Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. I borrowed it from a friend and read it in 2 days. Overall, I thought it was really entertaining and definitely a memoir, not a how-to book. It made me think about how strict I will be as a parent and how much I will push my children. My parents were strict by stereotypical Western standards, but I thought pretty easy-going by stereotypical Asian standards. Academics were very important, but as long as I was getting As they didn't make me do extra stuff, like competitions. And I played instruments growing up, but I started relatively later than others and they allowed me to quit the instruments one-by-one as I got older. My parents were well-rounded people who were not excellent at any particular thing and I think they raised me to be the same. When I think about my son, I think "In order for him to really be excellent at something, I need to expose him to it really early, and he has to enjoy it, and I need to push him to continue even when he doesn't want to sometimes." And honestly, I haven't decided yet whether I want my son to have the chance to be excellent at something, or if it'd be fine for him to be generally well-rounded (like me). For him to be excellent at something, it has to not only be his dream and effort, but it probably requires my extreme effort and providing (money / time) as well. Hmm...
Anyway, next, I'm looking forward to reading Bringing Up Bebe, One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. This book was also featured in the WSJ a few months ago. I really want a well-behaved child. Both my wife and I are stubborn people, so we need to focus on nurture where nature has failed. We already see signs of our sons stubbornness in his refusal to let us feed him with a spoon, and refusal to eat baby food. Any tips? We've tried holding his arms down and forcing it into his mouth, but that just made him cry a lot. We also tried deception, showing him water, then giving him food, but that too doesn't work for very long. We're trying patient encouragement now...
I'm enjoying the fact that I have time to do things like reading and running errands - something I wasn't able to do before because of my job. Right now my son is getting some rashes on his skin that come and go within an hour and we're systematically trying to figure out why. 2-3 times day, they appear and disappear, they look like large mosquito bites. (Regular Dr. appt scheduled for Monday). Is it something he's eating? Is it dust in our appt? Is it the carpet? Is it little bug bites? If this happened several months ago while I was working, I would tell my wife, "I'm busy, can you figure out what it is?" Now, it's my job to figure it out. So, now I'm conducting a mini-investigation, looking for clues. I'm taking this opportunity to really clean our place and shampoo the carpet. I think in the past, I was using my job as an excuse to be irresponsible in a lot of other areas of my life, but now I have no excuse. So being more disciplined in things like reading the Bible, cleaning, etc. And of course, still really happy to be watching live soccer in the afternoon. (Liverpool 4-1 Chelsea today).
I've turned into one of these guys above. I spent part of today strollering my son around the city, going to the bank, buying stuff at Bed Bath and Beyond. I probably look like one of these guys. I notice the other guys with strollers sans woman. No judging from me. I'm looking forward to watching this movie. Not in the theater, of course. Because I'm one of those guys above - no way to go to the movie theater. Will wait until it comes out on Apple TV.
I had the good fortune to reconnect recently with an old co-worker from my time in consulting. I told her I was looking for a new job. She forwarded me information about some new openings in city government which sound very interesting, so I plan to apply to these positions in the near future - hopefully in the next day or two.
On the SAHD front, this week is my first week being at home full-time on my own with my son without any help (as my mother-in-law returned home). It's been harder than I thought, but still so much better than investment banking. (I still have no regrets quitting my job.) My wife created a schedule for me to follow in terms of feeding and naps. At 9-mo old, my son requires constant attention. Now, he can crawl around places, so I can't leave him out of my sight, because he'll hit his head on the hardwood floor or try to climb onto things and reach for anything. Feedings are time consuming because he can't feed himself yet, so I have to sit there and feed him milk or cereal, etc. His naps are my free time to read or catch up on some TV.
So, I finally got around to reading Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. I borrowed it from a friend and read it in 2 days. Overall, I thought it was really entertaining and definitely a memoir, not a how-to book. It made me think about how strict I will be as a parent and how much I will push my children. My parents were strict by stereotypical Western standards, but I thought pretty easy-going by stereotypical Asian standards. Academics were very important, but as long as I was getting As they didn't make me do extra stuff, like competitions. And I played instruments growing up, but I started relatively later than others and they allowed me to quit the instruments one-by-one as I got older. My parents were well-rounded people who were not excellent at any particular thing and I think they raised me to be the same. When I think about my son, I think "In order for him to really be excellent at something, I need to expose him to it really early, and he has to enjoy it, and I need to push him to continue even when he doesn't want to sometimes." And honestly, I haven't decided yet whether I want my son to have the chance to be excellent at something, or if it'd be fine for him to be generally well-rounded (like me). For him to be excellent at something, it has to not only be his dream and effort, but it probably requires my extreme effort and providing (money / time) as well. Hmm...
Anyway, next, I'm looking forward to reading Bringing Up Bebe, One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. This book was also featured in the WSJ a few months ago. I really want a well-behaved child. Both my wife and I are stubborn people, so we need to focus on nurture where nature has failed. We already see signs of our sons stubbornness in his refusal to let us feed him with a spoon, and refusal to eat baby food. Any tips? We've tried holding his arms down and forcing it into his mouth, but that just made him cry a lot. We also tried deception, showing him water, then giving him food, but that too doesn't work for very long. We're trying patient encouragement now...
I'm enjoying the fact that I have time to do things like reading and running errands - something I wasn't able to do before because of my job. Right now my son is getting some rashes on his skin that come and go within an hour and we're systematically trying to figure out why. 2-3 times day, they appear and disappear, they look like large mosquito bites. (Regular Dr. appt scheduled for Monday). Is it something he's eating? Is it dust in our appt? Is it the carpet? Is it little bug bites? If this happened several months ago while I was working, I would tell my wife, "I'm busy, can you figure out what it is?" Now, it's my job to figure it out. So, now I'm conducting a mini-investigation, looking for clues. I'm taking this opportunity to really clean our place and shampoo the carpet. I think in the past, I was using my job as an excuse to be irresponsible in a lot of other areas of my life, but now I have no excuse. So being more disciplined in things like reading the Bible, cleaning, etc. And of course, still really happy to be watching live soccer in the afternoon. (Liverpool 4-1 Chelsea today).
I've turned into one of these guys above. I spent part of today strollering my son around the city, going to the bank, buying stuff at Bed Bath and Beyond. I probably look like one of these guys. I notice the other guys with strollers sans woman. No judging from me. I'm looking forward to watching this movie. Not in the theater, of course. Because I'm one of those guys above - no way to go to the movie theater. Will wait until it comes out on Apple TV.
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