The Element

Two thoughts before I begin. First, I’ve been finding it very helpful to read books to help me brainstorm and process thoughts. Over the past year, I found it difficult to “soul search” just sitting at home. It’s hard to just sit and think about what I want to do with my life. Reading books provides some material to react to. Second, talking and e-mailing with others has been helpful as well. There’s a chapter in The Element that talks about the importance of mentors. Tim Keller talks about the importance of receiving feedback from others to validate your strengths as you think about what your abilities are (so you are not self-deluded.) Also, hearing about what other people do and how they got to where they are provide some templates for me to consider.

Tonight, the Lai family had dinner with a man who is in the food industry. He only has a high school degree, but worked his way up through Coles (Australian supermarket chain) the first 10 years of working, then started his own business being a food distributor to Coles and other supermarkets in Australia. He eventually sold his business for a nice profit and now runs restaurants among other things. His passion is food and he’s living it out in his work. As I was opening up to him about how I quit banking and am taking time off to find out what I want to do next, his first question to me was “What are you passionate about?” And, while I still don’t have a clear answer to that, I knew I was talking to someone who had a good perspective on life and had thought to ask some right questions in his own life. It’s a good reminder for me to keep on talking to others and hearing their stories and learning from them.

A couple days ago, I skimmed through the Element in about one hour. The book has one central message (the importance of finding your element), then each chapter discusses different aspects of that central theme. The book is littered with dozens of mini-stories of famous people who have found their element and serve as examples to illustrate some of the topics of each chapter. The reason I skimmed the book so quickly was because the book was a bit disjointed and I didn’t find a lot of the examples helpful. Later, I read some comments on Amazon and others had similar feedback about the book. It’s interesting and may be inspiring to some to read about how Meg Ryan, Matt Groening, or Paul McCartney found their element. But for most of us, we’re not super-excellent in a particular thing, and for me in particular, I’m not skilled in acting, drawing, or singing. The book was impressive in how the author got a lot of high profile individuals to interview for the book. But, in the end, that’s most of what it seemed to be: a collection of high profile interviews. Still, while the book was not helpful in teaching me something new, I think it was helpful in validating my current quest – that it is a worthwhile endeavor. And some of the chapters were good reminders and an encouragement to me.

[Aside: Apparently, Ken Robinson had a decently inspiring TED talk (which I listened to briefly) in which he talks about how our education system doesn’t sufficiently allow for more creativity to flourish. I think this idea is what he’s famous for and he talks about this a lot in his book. I think his book, then, is less about how to find your passion, but more about the importance of finding your passion.]

When Robinson talks about “the element”, he’s talking about the point where natural aptitude and personal passion meet. Then he talks about two conditions for getting it: attitude and opportunity. (This is remarkably similar to Tim Keller’s affinity, ability, opportunity framework. There must be some age-old truth to this stuff.) Robinson’s framework then is this: “I get it, I love it, I want it, Where is it?” (Aptitude, Passion, Attitude, Opportunity).

I skimmed quickly through some of his earlier chapters about how there’s different types of intelligence, how creativity and imagination is important, how when we’re in our element we’re “in the zone”. A lot of this stuff was too theoretical. The next chapter was about the importance of finding others who have the same passion – “finding your tribe.” I think this is an important point, but not helpful at my particular juncture.

Chapter 6: What Will They Think? was interesting. It was a good discussion about the legitimate challenges we face in pursuing our passions. These challenges are personal, social, and cultural. I think this is a topic for a separate blog, but quickly, I think this is a major hurdle for me and others to finding and pursuing our passion. There are expectations that we ourselves and others place on us. We need a certain type of job, or certain type of life, certain salary, certain status, etc. When I think about my background, all the decisions up to this point were easy because my interests were aligned with others’ interests and society’s expectations. Going to college – I wanted to go, and parents were happy I got in, prestigious school. Working as an intelligence analyst – only job offer I had at graduation, parents happy I have a job during economic downturn. Moving to consulting – I wanted to switch to something more dynamic, job pays better, more prestigious job, opens doors to future. Going to business school – I wanted to get the degree, but also gives me potential for higher salary and better job in the future. Banking – great job in a difficult economic environment, very prestigious, excellent salary, etc. I think the tough part of this next step is that I’m making a decision that will, at least in the short run and potentially in the long run, be less lucrative and less prestigious and filled with more uncertainty. This is why it’s been so difficult for me, my wife, my parents, and others.

In this part of the book, among other examples, Robinson talks about how Paul Coelho’s parents sent him to a psychiatric institution to get electroshock therapy because he wanted to be a writer, which they believed, would be a waste of his life, and not a lawyer as they wanted him to be. Examples like this are cute and good because we know eventually he becomes a great writer. I think the difficulty though is pursuing your passion in the face of uncertainty and knowing that for most of us, we will not reach his level of success. Pursuing your passion would be a lot easier if we knew “it works out in the end” and I become rich or famous. But it’s difficult when we almost know for sure (perhaps not?) that “it won’t work out in the end” by certain metrics. And how we define success, and perhaps how I personally define success, is a good topic to dig deeper into soon.

[Thinking back now, I realize this is the deep disconnect in Robinson’s book. All his examples are people who found their element and reached some level of worldly success. I think the subliminal message (intended or not) in his book is that if you pursue your passion, things will work out in the end and you, too, will reach some level of worldly success. But the reality is that for most of us, we will not be the next Richard Branson, Monica Seles, Ridley Scott, or Aaron Sorkin. We need to give up some level or type of worldly success (at least temporarily, if not permanently) to pursue our passion.]

[Thinking back now, this is a second disconnect of Robinson’s book. Most of his examples are of people who have some extraordinary talent that average normal people can’t possibly achieve. Most of us are average people with a few above-average talents, but nothing extraordinary. (It’s somewhat demoralizing to have Monica Seles as an example in a book!) For most of us, our goal is to find our passion, combine it with our above-average talent, and do something reasonably productive with our lives. Not win multiple Grand Slams.]

Later chapters discuss the importance of mentors (already mentioned), the fact that it’s never too late to change directions, the tension between love and money, and how we can change our education system to help more people find their element.

I think I have some more good food for thought for the weeks ahead as I continue my journey.